A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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