Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
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I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
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We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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