Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
