can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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