I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
