I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
