i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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