I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
