I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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