Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
