my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
