she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
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So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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