If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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