I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
