so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
