Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
