Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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