if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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