Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
