I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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