You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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