Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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