Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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