I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
