I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
