Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
should my penis look like a turkey
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
