u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i permit you to call me
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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