3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
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