DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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