i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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