I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize