Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He's on the porch naked. Help.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
