i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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