quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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