I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
