I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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