no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
