I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
