He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
