her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
