I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
