I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
