if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I don't deserve a penis
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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