I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
