This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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