I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wish you could order shots online.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
