Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
