When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
