sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
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That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
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I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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