I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We're not piercing ourselves today.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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