It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
