I just saw a hot homeless man
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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