I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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