The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
