After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
