first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
