so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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