Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
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It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
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I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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