its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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