will power is for people who don't want to get laid
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
