I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
