im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just want to make out with him forever
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
