just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
