i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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