I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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