i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
