I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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