Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
