I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
