I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
