so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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