Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
