Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
