Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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