i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
