That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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