franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
