Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
