What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
