I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
