i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
