thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
