as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
